Nervous to Start Therapy? 9 Reasons you may feel Reluctant to Starting Therapy

Considering therapy and feeling nervous, skeptical, resistant, or, let’s be honest, a little bit terrified about starting? Taking the first steps towards seeking therapy can be daunting enough, but entering the first session, well that just hits different.

Entering therapy is stepping into the unknown, and it is totally normal to feel uncertain about an experience that is unfamiliar to you. Therapy is a new type of relationship, and it is not only normal to feel apprehensive but it can be a good thing! Bringing your anxiety and feelings of uncertainty and addressing them in the first session can help get the ball rolling.

Therapy is a different and sometimes strange type of relationship.

You enter the space trusting that a therapist (initially a stranger) will provide the space you need to share feelings, thoughts, and experiences, that you may never have shared with anyone before! Now that’s an act of bravery. While it can be odd to share the things that make you sad, angry, anxious, afraid, or embarrassed at first, through sharing and connecting with a therapist you can find relief in being able to talk about all the worries, irrational or maybe rational concerns, thoughts that may feel unacceptable or wrong, as well as focusing on your joys and strengths. It can be a relief to have a space where you can focus solely on yourself and learn to honor your experiences and improve your wellbeing.

When it comes to therapy there are many reasons a person may feel reluctant to start. First, let’s play a little game. Check off how many of these you’ve thought of or experienced before when it comes to the idea of starting therapy. Let me know if you hit bingo!

Let’s jump into the 9 reasons you may be reluctant to start therapy:

1. Stigma around Mental Health: “I am not Crazy!”

Unfortunately, the stigma around mental health and receiving support for your mental health still exists. While mental health awareness and support are growing in the media and becoming more normalized, we still have ways to go in addressing the prejudices of those who attend therapy. In working to challenge old thinking we can start to see that our mental health is equally important as our physical health. Seeking support does not denote a lack of mental clarity, or only happens when you are in dire need. You don’t need to be “sick” or non-functioning to go into therapy, you just need to be feeling stuck. Through therapy we work together to find solutions that work for you, solutions you may not have had access to on your own. Seeking therapy is an act of self-awareness and bravery.

2. Familial & Cultural Values: “I am betraying my family”

You may be the first in your family to openly seek support. In doing so you can be going against stigma or cultural expectations or values. You may feel fearful or guilty about seeking support or investing in your own mental health and wellness. You may also feel a need to “justify” going to therapy with your family.

Some may say things like “our family doesn’t do therapy” or “my parents never sought therapy, and they’re fine”. Generational resistance can come in the form of keeping things “in the family” and away from “strangers”. However, that can keep issues trapped in the same circle, passed on from generation to generation, as talking out issues with family can lead to misunderstandings, or even ostracizing. In seeking therapy for yourself you are not betraying your family, you’re strengthening it by addressing issues and bringing change. This can inspire others to seek therapy, as well as improve your relationship with your family in being able to better navigate conflicts, and connect through skills developed in session.

3. Prior Negative Experiences: “ I felt worse after my therapy session!”

Therapy is an emotionally intimate and vulnerable experience, and when you disclose something to a therapist the hope is to receive empathy and understanding. You may have had a therapist diminish or invalidate your experience, not take into consideration your unique cultural, and religious experience and values, or invalidate your gender identity and sexuality. Therapists are human beings, and unfortunately many cannot leave their own human experience and biases at the door or do the work to expand their knowledge of what their clients may be experiencing. It is important to seek out a therapist who is actively LGBTQIA+ affirming, feminist, sex-positive, and work from a trauma-informed, anti-oppressive, multiculturally sensitive, & intersectional approach. Doing initial free consults and asking detailed questions about their approach and values can help screen out bad fits.

4. Fear of Being Vulnerable or “Weak”: “Therapy is for the hopeless ones”

Growing up with familial or cultural values, role models, media images and societal norms may perpetuate this idea that being stoic, unemotional, and unaffected is strength or admirable. You may have difficulty with the idea of being vulnerable with someone else. Fear of looking “weak” can have us holding onto a lot of pain, stress, and anxieties. This can weigh on us after a time. Telling your story can liberate you from emotional and mental health issues. Asking for support is a sign of strength and self-compassion, not weakness or fragility.

5. You think you need to be a certain level of ill: “I am not “Sick” Enough”

Mental Health is part of our unique human experience, and who is to say what is distressing to one person may not be as distressing to another. You don’t have to “out-sick” someone else to be in need or benefit from therapy. Your life experience and how you experience your mental health is the only thing that matters. Your life does not need to be falling apart at the seams to justify getting support. Sometimes our conflicts with inner self-worth or feelings of being burnt out hinder us from prioritizing our needs first.

6. Blanking Out: “I Wouldn’t Even Know What to Talk About”

What do we even talk about in therapy? Fortunately, you don’t need to know what to talk about before you come. In therapy, we process what we think or feel, what's going on in our life, mundane or extravagant, everything is important and valuable. In discussing what is going on in your day to day you will work with your therapist to figure out themes, behaviors, thoughts, and actions that may be present. These can include school, work, relationships, life changes, stress, and family.

7. Therapy is a bunch of hooey: “I don’t think Therapy is even real”

Psychology is an ever-evolving field of the scientific study of the human mind and its function. Therapy is the process of exploring the psychology of the mind, its problematic thoughts or behaviors, beliefs, feelings, relationships, and somatic responses. Therapy and Psychology draw upon evidence-based research that has developed into dozens of therapies such as Art Therapy, Somatic Therapy, Gestalt Therapy, Acceptance, and Commitment Therapy, Jungian Therapy, Humanistic Therapy, Rogerian Therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and this list goes on. Each of these therapies has its own school of thought, methodologies, and research that is worked on by professionals and institutes to create the tools and approaches that therapists use in the session. This is a whole lot of energy to research something that isn’t “real”. Therapy is something to be experienced to be understood as it is an active action, in doing the therapy the value can be seen.

8. I don’t need to talk to anyone but my friends!: “My friends are my therapists!”

Most people will say that they can lean on and turn to their friends to discuss life problems and that they do not need a therapist. While having supportive friends is a wonderful thing, friends are not always as objective as a therapist can be. Friends want to maintain their friendship with you, meaning that they may not point out different perspectives, or will side with you no matter the circumstance. Friends also may gossip, which can cause hurt, animosity, and mistrust. Friends also, despite their care for you, may become overwhelmed or tired of hearing the same issue over and over without resolution. Friends are important in your support system to get through tough times, however, they are not a replacement for a licensed mental health professional.

9. Lack of Confidentiality: “What if someone finds out I am going to therapy!”

When you enter the room with a therapist, the moment your foot crosses that threshold or you pull up the video call everything becomes completely confidential between you and your therapist. The only time a therapist shares anything about what has been talked about is if you’re hurting yourself, someone is hurting you, or you’re going to hurt someone else as therapists are mandated reporters by the law. Everything said between you and the therapist is private. If a therapist sees you on the street, we will not approach you to maintain confidentiality, (however if you want to say hi and are comfortable that’s okay too!) We will not engage with you on social media, and will not reach out to your friends or family. If you are private pay and don’t want to use your insurance due to confidentiality that is available to you as well. The only way someone would find out you were going to therapy is if you disclosed it to them!

I hope this helped settle some stigma around different thoughts that may make you hesitant to start therapy!